Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
