i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
