I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
