I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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