This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
