he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
