I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
