After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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