I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
