I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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