if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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