I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize