Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
