Is it normal to miss your booty call?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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