I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
