This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
