Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
