just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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