Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
