who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
