she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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