Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
