i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
