the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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