Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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