Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
