I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
