My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
soo... how was my night?
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