if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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