Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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