jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My ass is underappreciated
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
