i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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