I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
