if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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