You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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