you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
