I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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