You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
