I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
