my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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