I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
