I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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