32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
