YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
