New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You're like the curious george of whores
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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