Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
