My first STD was from a foam party
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
