Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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