dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
