Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I lost the right to judge tonight
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
