God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
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We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
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We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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