Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
