Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
how drunk are you?
Several
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
