It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
