I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You're a waste of cheezeits
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
