were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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