As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
