I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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