It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
