Jerry, you need to find god
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
