I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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