this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
