You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think I just sharted jello shots
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
