White coat. Heels.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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